Escaping the Comparison Trap
Have you ever experienced “imposter syndrome?” Whether you’re starting high school, entering college, or starting a new job, it’s easy to feel like everyone around you is more talented, accomplished, or confident.
For me, I felt that on the golf course. Golf taught me that the most important game you play is against yourself.
As a tournament and varsity golfer, I used to measure my worth by my scores or skills compared to other players. I would see other people’s progress and feel like I was falling behind. But this made everything worse: just thinking about another player’s better shot could ruin my whole round. I could feel my heart pounding erratically and a constant urge to bawl my eyes out.
The turning point for me came when my coach taught me the golfer mentality: “Your only competition is you.” It sounded cliché at first. But over time, I began to understand what he meant. In golf, you can’t block someone else’s shot or throw their ball into the woods. You can only control your swing, your focus, and your response to setbacks.
I started paying attention to my own progress instead of another person’s performance. Did I hit the ball farther today than I did last week? Did I stay calm after a bad shot instead of letting it infect the next three holes? Progress started to be about consistency and mental strength, not just winning tournaments.
That golfer mentality works off the course too, especially in highly competitive places. Rather than thinking, “I want to get a higher grade than my classmate,” I could think, “I want to understand this topic in class better than I did yesterday.” Instead of worrying about how I can match someone else's resume, I can focus on building my own skills at my own pace.
This doesn’t mean ignoring other people’s success though. In golf, I learned to clap for my opponent’s good shot without it taking away from my own game. We can do the same in school. We can celebrate our peers’ achievements without making them a mirror to measure ourselves against.
I’m not saying all comparisons are bad. But there’s a clear distinction between healthy competition and toxic comparison. Healthy competition can push us to learn from high-achieving peers and apply what works for us. I’ve had matches where I noticed a player hit much farther than me, and by adopting parts of her technique, I saw real progress. Without seeing other people succeed, we’d miss chances to cultivate a growth mindset. But it’s just as important to focus on what’s within our control– specific, manageable steps to grow. Some factors, like our genetic traits or life circumstances, aren’t things we can just change. Trying to match up to others in those areas would lead to frustration and insecurity, which is where toxic comparison comes in. It’s when we observe another’s success but only feel bad about ourselves with no clear path forward. The golfer mentality means taking inspiration from others without destroying your sense of progress.
Here’s what I’m trying to carry with me into college and maybe it can help you too:
Set personal benchmarks. At the beginning of the semester, choose one skill or habit you want to improve. Maybe it’s speaking more in discussions, making time to meet new people each week, or having a healthier sleep schedule. We should track our progress, not how we are compared to others.
Rethink setbacks. In golf, a bad shot is just one swing in a whole round. In school, a tough midterm, a project that doesn’t go as planned, or even an awkward social interaction is one moment, not your entire ability. Ask: What can I improve for next time?
Limit “comparison triggers.” Just as I stopped obsessively checking other players’ scores throughout a round, we can all be careful of how often we scroll through social media, compare our extracurriculars to others, or obsess over someone else’s internship.
Celebrate without judging yourself. Clap for others like you would on the golf course. A friend getting an amazing summer opportunity or making the debate team doesn’t make us behind. It’s a sign that we’re surrounded by talented and inspiring people.
When we start a new chapter– whether it’s school, a team, or a job– we each bring our own “scorecards”: grades, achievements, experiences that got us here. But once we’re there, those scorecards matter less than we think. What matters is how we keep improving ourselves, even if no one else is tracking it.
On the golf course, I’ve learned to block out the leaderboard and focus on my swing. Obviously, I am still learning to do this and sometimes fall back into the comparison trap in other areas of my life. But for the next four years, I want to block out the background noise and focus on my own growth. And maybe, if we all start keeping score only against ourselves with healthy competition, we’ll realize we play a much better game. Both on the course and in life.
